"Pictures of Me"
By Matt Howe
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I’ve lived in my apartment in Boone for over two years now. I’d say up until about six months ago, nearly all my walls were bare. It drove me nuts, my childhood rooms always had a theme – whether it was a cohesive color scheme or little nicknacks that all came in a set. It was always decorated. When I moved to Boone, I didn’t know many people. I hadn’t joined clubs or organizations yet. A lot of my time was spent in my apartment, staring at poorly-patched “renters special” beige walls.
It was maddening. A guy spending all his time at home sweeping through empty rooms and lifeless spaces. Without yet forcing myself out to meet people and be an active part of campus life, my mental state began to reflect the nothingness that was the place I spent all my time in.
It got to a point where every time I’d walk into my bedroom or living room, I’d just get frustrated with myself. I knew I had brought some decorations from my previous living spaces. I think my first breakthrough was hanging a cheap mirror from Target with command strips. I looked back at my life before Boone. My mother was queen of decorating, or so she’d call herself. But it’s true, she’s an excellent interior designer. I knew I couldn’t just keep my walls empty. After all, she made a comment every time she came to visit.
I got stuck; I thought too hard about it and dug myself further into a hole of frustration. If I was going to decorate, I wanted everything to be precise – to align perfectly within each wall and shelf. This deterred me further from hanging anything and kept me in that soulless environment.
But finally, I hit a point sometime at the beginning of this year where I knew I needed a change. Though I had made friends and begun going out of the apartment more, I hated coming home to nothing. That’s when I smothered my need for perfection and started adding life to my home. My life.
My pile of journals also reflects the literature-lover in me, or more specifically, the writer. I keep them out and accessible. Though kept together, I composed them to be less uniform than my books, as my personal writing varies and sometimes feels less organized than the completed works I endulge in.
My books are so important to me. As an English major, each semester I fall more in love with reading, specifically the classics. I’d say my classics shelf is the most cohesive aspect of my decorating, as the uniform look encourages me to make something complete, but still remain independently unique. My collection is ever-growing, and having them displayed encourages me to keep reading - keep immersing myself in other worlds so that I am inspired to write my own.
And then there’s the other creative aspects – my ukulele and newsprints.
My ukulele is leaning in the corner of my living room, idle but always waiting to be picked up again. Music was one of my first loves when it comes to art.
While the newspapers also encapsulate my writing, I am forever proud that my photography made it to the front page. I have a few copies laying around because I wanted to be able to hold that memory and share it with others. The bear on the cover of The Appalachian’s August print edition is one of my most accomplished moments as a photographer. I have a feeling that’ll stay there on display for a while.
When it comes to my wall art, things become a bit askew. My postcard wall is my daily reminder of the once-in-a-lifetime experience I had this past summer. All those places on those cards hold countless memories I’ll never forget. I picked each one out with the intent on displaying them on my wall to encourage me that I can achieve even the craziest of things. They're abstractly placed on the wall, which represent a bit of the chaos that journey ended up being, but in the end it worked out and left me with reminders of all the different, beautiful places I've traveled.
I put a few other postcards under a Call of Duty poster that I got a while back – something from my slump of needing anything to go on my walls. I went with something I remember fondly from growing up, my love for video games. This combination of old vs new decorating is combative, which represents that 'stuck' feeling I mentioned before. With hindsight, it worked out in its own abstract way, the colors from my childhood accompaning my present life.
My sports wall is a reincarnation of my childhood rooms. While very different from what I used to have displayed (old ice hockey metals and jerseys), I wanted to incorporate little things from each of my teams. The most recent editions being from App State football, which I now work for the team and put so much of my time into being there as a videographer. Most of the other teams are from New York – a tribute to my home. Having them pushed up in a corner like that reminds me that even if the space isn't big, they're still present and an aspect of my life I refuse to let go of.
My altar is something I still look at daily and know needs an upgrade. Raised in a Christian household and discovering Paganism was difficult in my teen years, as I was afraid to display any of my religious pieces. One of the most exciting parts of moving into my own place was that I could have it “loud and proud”. I keep my pagan books and ritual pieces there, and sitting right across from my bed, they serve as a reminder to keep going. My faith is something that grows every day, and has been a more important outlet than I could have ever imagined. The blank space on the wall is meant to remind me that growth is possible, and no matter how long it's taken me to be comfortable in my faith, the journey is never over.
And last but certainly not least, my cat Moony and his cat tree. While not as abstract as the other aspects of my home, he is one of the most important things in my life. He’s been through so much with me, and it’s only fitting that he has his own space in our home. He sits perched up there nearly every day, surveying the living room and watching over me. And as the sign suggests, he is my attack cat. While the space seems most desolate compared to the other places I've photographed, I'd like to think that my cat's playful and bright energy brings enough life to the dullest of moments.
These fragments in my home displayed in these photos make up who I am. I’ve curated little aspects of my life and incorporated them all over. Nothing in my home is displayed without purpose. They’re there to remind me that I am not the dull, lifeless space my apartment came as. I am made up of all the things I love and that makes me, me.
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